Franklin the F*ck Up

Have you seen Franklin, the cartoon about a stupid little tortoise?

He looks nothing like this but I don't know about copy write laws and blogs and stuff yet.

If the answer is No, then clearly you do not own a child under the age of five or you don't have the Nick Jr. channel or both.

At any rate, it's a good thing because this little turtle is a total fuck up. 

Every episode involves him either blowing off some responsibility or not knowing the basics about modern American culture. 

For example, Franklin did not water Mr. Rabbit's petunias (even though he was specifically asked to) and went out to play instead. Or the time Franklin had NO CLUE about a major American kid phenomenon, The Tooth Fairy. I mean, what kind of kid- tortoise or not- has never even heard of the Tooth Fairy?? I don't give a shit if tortoises don't have teeth- I don't have  a prostate but I know about the cancer that winds up there in most people's Grandpa's, for Christ's sake.

This has me in a bit of a tizzy because my kids really love the show and I typically don't mind them watching one or two half-hour shows a day (it allows me time to do necessary household chores...or write this blog) but I feel like I'm doing them a disservice by letting them watch this loser tortoise. 

I am starting to think this tortoise kid is retarded- NOT that there is ANYTHING at all wrong with retarded tortoises- I just don't know if Franklin is 

1) representative of his species 
2) a good role model for my children 
3) being pervy when he takes his shell off (yes, he took it off at his doctor appointment) and runs around all neked.

And besides the fact that tortoises cannot talk or ride a bicycle in real life, as a biologist and former zoo keeper, I find it ridiculous that Franklin can take his shell off.

Piss off, Franklin.