Thursday, September 27, 2012

What's That in Your Mouth?

My attempt to sound "normal" on the phone to the pediatric nurse must have worked.

I know this because when I asked her, "Do you get a lot of calls like this?", she said, "Yeah, about once a week but they usually sound a lot more freaked out than you". 

Hmmm. I guess that's good...(?) 

Or really bad, I think.

I mean should I be more freaked out that my toddler just ate poo? I don't know. I was starting to feel badly that not only was I not "freaked out" by it, but I was only calling the doctor's office as a just-in-case thing. I really didn't think it was a big deal. 

Gross? Yes, totally. 

End of the world? Nah. 

Maybe I would have been more freaked if it hadn't been super-fresh, straight-from-the source poo or if had been someone else's poo. So basically it was not rotten poo and I was fairly certain, because it was her own poo, that there were no parasites that I needed to worry about. At least no new parasites.

How did she get a hold of her own poo? In the bathtub, where she decided to poo that afternoon. And the real bummer was that I'd just cleaned the tub. I felt just like I used to when we had Scruff, the 22 pound orange tabby that liked to leave a giant, stinky poop exactly one minute after his litter box was changed. Except Scruff had the smarts to never even consider eating it afterwards. 

Not so for my little fatty. She would put anything in her mouth as a baby. Jesus, that's a lie. She's two and half now and still puts stuff in her mouth.

List of stuff put in little one's mouth today:

Russian doll set 
(They were purchased by M.I.L. on a cruise somewhere near Russia so they're probably coated in thick, leaded paint. Which would explain a lot, actually)

(It was clean. Whew! Dodged another embarrassing phone call to the pediatrician's office)

One sandal 
(No explanation)

Various choke-hazard sized toys 
(No f-ing clue)

The dog
(No, she was not kissing the dog nor was she biting her either. She just walked up behind her, open mouthed and put her mouth around the back of the dog's neck. I think she might have trying to eat her. I'm not really sure)

And now I realize what an awesome Mom I must be. 

Considering how many toys or animals this kid puts in her mouth daily and how often it is NOT poo, I think I am doing pretty good, actually. Probably better than a lot of other Mom's frankly.

Congratulations to me! I will be accepting your nominations for Mom of the Year for both 2012 and 2013 because I'm pretty sure I've got this poo-eating thing pretty well under control this year and next.


  1. Been there with Josephine only it was a petrified dog turd. I have also been in the bath with her when she decided to poop. All my husband could hear from the bathroom was abort! Abort!

  2. Heh, heh, heh.
    Yeah, I stumbled into a dried dog poop throwing contest between my two in the yard once. Nobody was a winner that day.