Monday, November 26, 2012

Shit I've Lied to My Four Year About Old This Week

Regarding songs we listen to while driving to Christ is Our Lord Preschool:

"Locked Out of Heaven" by Bruno Mars

Firstborn: Mom, what is he saying?
Me: Uh, he's saying he feels really sad when the girl is not there anymore. Like if I locked you out of your toy room.
Firstborn: Yeah, but what's he saaying? (song playing at the part where Bruno Mars sings, "'Cause your sex takes me to paradise.."
Me: ??
Firstborn: Mooom??
Me: Um, he's saying that her text takes him to paradise because she sends him really nice text messages.
Firstborn: (now singing) 'Cause your text takes me to paradise, 'cause your text takes me to paradise!
Me: Hey, Firstborn? Uh, let's not sing this song at school, ok? Or at Grandma's house.

"Dear God" by XTC

Firstborn: Mom? What's this song about?
Me: Uh, this guy is talking to God. Like praying.
Firstborn: Why is he talking to God? 
Me: Well, some people do that
Firstborn: Why does he say he doesn't believe in God?
Me: Um, well, see, some people don't believe in God, see. In fact, some people believe in all different kinds of Gods. Or no God at all.
Firstborn: (laughing) That's silly. 
Me: Well...(staring to sweat a little) not to some people...
Firstborn: Yes there is. I knoow there's such thing as God. You believe in God, right?
Me: Um....Well, to be honest, I'm not totally convinced.
Firstborn: Yes there is.
Me: Yeah, I'm not totally sure.
Firstborn: Well, I believe in Him.
Me: That's fine, honey. Everybody has a different way of thinking about a lot of different things in this world and that's ok.
Firstborn: (not really interested in conversation at this point) Yeah, ok.
Me: Hey, Firstborn? Uh, let's not talk about this at preschool, ok? Or at Grandma's house, either.

"Whistle" by Flo Rida

Firstborn: Mom? What's this song about?
Me: Um, it's about a guy and his whistle, I think.
Firstborn: What's he saying?
Me: I guess he is, uh, telling his friend how to, uh, use it, I guess.
Firstborn: Oh.
Me: Hey, Firstborn? This is one of those songs that we don't sing at school, ok? Or at Grandma's house. And maybe let's not tell Dad about it either, ok?


  1. You need to learn the lyrics really well, and then cough over the naughty bits, like I do... Pretty sure the boy thinks I'm allergic to rap, though.

  2. Hilarious! I always think about commercials and songs that I'll have to explain to Peanut one day soon. NOT looking forward to those chats. I do have to say that the whistle song really gets my feminist panties in a bunch though. If I was Flo-Rida's mom, we'd have a problem ;)

    1. I'm with ya on Flo-Rida lyrics- I'm the dumb ass that down-loaded it to use in the indoor cycle class I taught the other day before listening closely to the words.

      I'm expecting to be handed my notice later this week.

  3. Just be glad they are not in any kind of daycare. My 7 year old knows all the words to the top 40 songs and they are not exactly what any child should know! He walks around singing to himself scaring the hell out of me!

    1. It's rough enough having the kid come home from her sorta-religious preschool, singing about Jesus all the time.

      It'd kill me if she came home singing Lady GaGa too.

  4. Hahaha! I can so totally relate to this post.

    The worst is when a song sounds so harmless and you don't pay attention to the words--until your toddler is singing about making babies in the middle of Target and you don't even notice until other customers stop and look at you in horror. And then you drop everything and run.

    Not like it's happened to me or anything.

  5. I especially like that you played the Flo Rida song at spin. It makes me wonder what your class thinks about you now.

  6. I LOVE this!! The Princess is 12...she knows ALL the meanings now! I had to share this!! Hugs, Cyn
    A.D.D. Music Mamma