Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Sex and Two Vaginas and the City

Sometimes on special nights the Tall Guy and I let our daughters have what we call, with much enthusiasm  "Picnic Dinner!". 

For the kids, Picnic Dinner! means a complete dinner made up of food that are both palatable and easy to eat for little hands (think fish sticks, chicken strips, green beans, knuckle bones, etc). They get to have their Picnic Dinner! while sitting on a blanket in front of the tv watching a movie of their choice.

For the adults, Picnic Dinner! means dinner with few interruptions. In other words, we get to relax in silence (this is where people who do not have children would normally converse).

Tonight I was particularly grumpy due to a hunger-induced migraine and painful knees and was bitching and moaning about how much I hate Winnie the Pooh. 
Born in the 1920s, Pooh may have been the first
to wear a Baby Doll Tee  

I hate his voice, his stupidity, his friends and especially his stupid, too-small shirt. 

It should come as no surprise that Scotty J.,
 both the intellectual and physical equal of Pooh,
was a fan of  ill-fitting  shirts

I usually ignore what little tv my kid's watch because I find it unbelievably annoying 
(see previous post about that nitwit, Franklin) but as we sat and ate dinner I could not ignore the 250 inch television in the living room. And then it suddenly hit me- 

Winnie the Pooh is a children's version of Sex and the City!

Not nearly as glamorous or artfully filmed, Hundred Acre Wood is like a co-star to Winnie the Pooh just as NYC is to Sarah Jessica Parker. And instead of being obsessed with boozing it up, Pooh and his friends are typically gathered at the end of each show around a gigantic vat of honey instead of Appletini's or Cosmo's or gay male friends.

Still not convinced that Darren Star and Alan Milne were kindred spirits?
Read on...

Pooh vs. Carrie
Ok, both are obviously the protagonist and in need of help of some kind. Neither are complete without the rest of their weird gang of friends. Both are obsessed with their midriffs. 

Apparently even outside of the Hundred Acre Wood it
is difficult to find shirts that will cover the 'rumbly in your tumbly'

Eeyore vs. Miranda
Both tend to be the stick in the mud (or honey) and neither knows how to accessorize  That bow on Eeyore's ass does not count.

Don't like empowered women like Miranda Hobbes??

And neither do those earrings.

Piglet vs. Charlotte
Always cheerful and upbeat, both these feminine and perky people prefer pink.

"I just want to be a wife and a Mother", said  Charlotte

"I just want to be a husband and somebody's 'other' Dad", said Piglet 

The Kangaroo (Kanga) vs. Samantha
Kangaroo's have a bicornuate uterus which is practically like having two vaginas. 
Enough said.

What do you mean, she gets TWO vaginas?? 

.*Spoiler alert*
We won't be forced to get to see another Sex and the City movie sequel until Kim Cattrall finagles a second vagina written into her contract.



  1. I have nothing to offer to your comment section, other than: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  2. Jenn- I may be forced to nominate you for Best Comment of the Year Award.

  3. WOW that was solid!! It's not often you can equate a sweet children's series to an oft-seen as X-rated HBO series. YOU my friend, are an evil genius!! And I totally agree with Jenn's comment - there were some laugh out loud spots in there that caused my 5 year old to butt her nose in and ask what I was laughing at - I couldn't break it to her about Piglet so I quickly switched to Twitter and read her something unrelated at which point she gave me the fake laugh intended to trick me into thinking she got the joke.

    Well done!

  4. lorihokie- Thank you- so glad you liked it and that you too can see the eerie similarities between the shows! And glad I could help enable you to lie to your kid!
    And about calling me an 'evil genius', yes, I get that a lot.
    The part about being evil anyway.

  5. Holy shit, this is my new favorite blog on the interwebs ever. This post was fecking hiliarous!

  6. Hey, thanks, Jackie-Ohhh- your shit is hilarious too! Once you're done eating your steak sandwich (with egg and beat root of course), annoying Kiwi's and watching "Neighbors" while listening to Kylie Minogue songs, you should come up to the desert for a drink!

  7. Omg. You're a fuckin genius!! My mind would never get there because I'm too A.D.D. I like the way u think. Hands down, you're my favorite blog for today!! <3 Smooches, Cyn
    A.D.D. Music Mamma

  8. Hey Cyn St. Clair, What a compliment- thank you! I enjoy your blog too!
    Very glad (and worried a little bit for you) that you think like I do- nice to know I'm not alone!